How do i get my boyfriend's parents to stop telling me how care to my own cats?

My boyfriend's parents keep telling me how to raise my own cats. They keep telling me i should raise them their way. Which would mean i would be feeding really crappy food and they would have no toys. And the cats would be declawed. I never say anything to them about it when they start cause it will make them more pissed off. Just like if they see us or we tell them that we a brought a new toy for they get pissed off about it. So i just keep my shut mouth when they start talking. And no i never said i was right and they was wrong. I let them raise their cats however they went and dont say anything. I just want them off my back about mine. How do i go about about doing this?

Asked by Member 979470 on May 14th 2010 in Local Spots & Services
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Izadore (Izzie)

Wise old grandma once said, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." If you don't live with your BF and his parents, then they really have no right to tell you how to do ANYTHING, not just raise your cats. It's not up to them to say when and if you can buy a toy for your kitties unless they are paying for it. The most important thing is that your cats have their shots, are spayed or neutered and have as good a food to eat as you can afford. When they start in on you about the cats, change the subject. Keep doing so until they get the hint. You don't have to sit there and take it. Just make some vague reply like "Uh-huh" and go on about your business. If they are not paying for your kittys care, then they have no right to tell you how to raise them. Just be pleasant and non-commital. And have your BF tell them you are doing a good job with your cats and really don't need their advice. They're HIS parents, after all. He needs to man-up for you. Good luck!

Izadore (Izzie) answered on 5/14/10. Helpful? Yes/Helpful: No 2 Report this answer


I agree with Izzie. You just have to roll with it, listen politely and then do things your own way. Don't tell them anything they don't need to know. My boyfriend's parents are the same way. They even shopped around for the lowest price vet to spay the kitten we got them. They would be horrified to know how much my vet bills are and how much my cat food costs. And when his Dad told me that Persians will be friendlier and cuddlier if you do not hold them too much as kittens, I just smiled and said "really? hmmmm...I never heard that". Of course that's not true, but what purpose would it serve me to try to correct an old man who is just trying to be helpful? However, keep in mind that if you plan to have a life with this guy, this is just the beginning. Imagine what will happen when you have children? He needs to stand up to his parents for you. And congrats on your decision NOT to declaw.

Allie answered on 5/14/10. Helpful? Yes/Helpful: No 2 Report this answer

Kitty Pryde

Izzie and Allie are both right-As always!

I would recommend the same thing-just be polite, give info as a need-to know basis, and no additional information. And maybe your husband should say something! Imagine if they were your physical born children and they were telling you how to raise them!

Granted, my kitties are like my kids hehe, but it sounds like they might not make that distinction like the other Catster pawrents might. My own mother, who doesn't even like cats so she can't talk about how to care for them, tells me how I should do things! It is at the point that I compare them to my twin 4 yr old brothers when talking about them, since that makes something click in my moms mind and she doesn't just say, "oh they are just cats." She actually now sees they are just like children so it's gotten better.

Good luck! It's such a delicate situation dealing w/in-laws because you're in it for the long haul and hopefully you will find a common ground re: the furbabies.

Kitty Pryde answered on 5/14/10. Helpful? Yes/Helpful: No 1 Report this answer